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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Perception is Reality

I am new to the whole Facebook phenomenon, joining recently only so I could access my daughter's travel photos. As much as I have said I was not the least bit interested, I admit that delving into this new foray has been a little fun. I have had an opporutnity to interact with friends from childhood that I hadn't seen or talked to in years. One very interesting old friend I ran into? Myself. That's right, I found myself (or am finding myself) on Facebook. An old friend posted a picture from junior high---I was working a concession stand at a party. I was struck by the fact that I WASN'T FAT IN THE PICTURE. I looked again---it must be a mistake. I have been fat since I was eight years old, haven't I? I looked yet another time, nope---the girl in the picture, though her back is turned, definitely is me. And furthermore, that girl was not fat. This may seem like no big deal to you, but it is HUGE for me (no pun intended). This past year I have been working hard to challenge my inner demons and let go of all the negative images of myself that I have allowed others to place on me. As I "fight" the bad information I have received from family and friends alike, I also struggle to understand who I am. To realize that "fat" was a label put on me that wasn't even deserved at the time makes me weep for the little girl I was and the woman I have become---someone so willing to believe other peoples' lies that I accepted them as truth. Even worse, I adopted them so strongly that I allowed it to become a prophecy fulfilled. But I won't weep too long; I rejoice at this awakening and can't wait to see who I turn into now that I realzize that other people's perceptions don't have to become my reality.

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